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Joined: Jan 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 31 Location: One of many Homes Karma: 3
Ankoku Haitou « Thread Started on Jan 17, 2009, 9:36pm »
ANKOKU "ANO" HAITOU "The hunger coming over me As I learn to hide the agony To make a final remedy To close the door once and for all"
Hi, my name is Tom and I am proudly Eighteen years young. I've been role playing for around two years and I would have to say I'm intermediate FTW. and i have dyslexia please bare with me, i am trying my best to write good
fears;;he has seen it all he says he fears nothing but in truth he is afraid of trusting people and letting them close believing they will betray him like his old friends goals;; survive, money and power. he lives for the moment just struggling to live just one more day, and he believes that he needs those three to achieve that goal strengths;;A strong close-quarter fighter with great speed and a great people knower. He is incredibly stubborn and confident in himself. He is also very resourceful and intelligent. weaknesses;;Only trusting himself, some might call him socially handicapped. He also have like many unhappy people started having drinking problem. He has yet to learn how to use materia properly from a distance, which means he has to touch the target of his spell when casting. likes;;Gil, even though he never has much of it. when he has a good amount he often spends it. he also prefer being alone. he can have a clear mind then making the bad memory less likely to pop back up. The thing he does if given free time is either training if he is in a good mood or drinking if he has a bad day. dislikes;;friends and having to relay on other people, but at the same time he hate that people not even try to understand him. turn ons;;N/A turn offs;;N/A
personality;;Ankoku is calm and never speak much not even then spoken to and even evades questions about his past. He never really seek any friends and lives on his own believing that friends will just leave you then it gets tough or betray you. However he do not want to be alone but he do not want friends that will betray him so he have decided to take a safe road and never have any friends so no one would betray him. The memories of his friends beating him half dead still haunts him along with the memory of his dad beating his mum, then they surface he either chews on his a metal brick or flips it around in his hand.
fire surging through;
hair & eyes;;he has waist long black hair that half way turns white, he keeps it inside his trench coat so it is rarely seen. His purple eyes seems bottomless sad and lonely. height & weight;;Ankoku is towering at 217 cm tall and weights 89 kg distinguishable features;;his purple eyes and one sleeved trench coat.
appearance;;He wears a trench coat that is missing arm while the other goes down pass his wrist, over the same hand he has a glove so in sense his left arm is completely covered with cloth while his right barely has a thread on it under it he has a hooded sweatshirt that often covers his eyes. He wears a pair of black cargo pants often filled with various things he stolen from some persons, he also wear a pair of worn out boots.
To spare the sands, the seas, the skies;
parents;;Mother and father siblings;;Lone child occupation;;mercenary, bounty hunter and spy anything that could bring in money
history;;Ankoku grew up in Junon having a great amount of friends around him, but he had a unhappy home. He spent most his time with his friends down in the town. But the few times he was home he often faced a beating from his dad which he tried very hard to keep in side himself but he could never truly concentrate and his grade was quickly diminishing. But with his friends he still was happy nothing could go wrong with them all of them got along. Ankoku's bad grades irritated his teacher who sent Ankoku home with notes almost everyday what he had not done, however on the way home Ankoku always trashed them as soon as he got of the school grounds knowing his father would be furious at him.
However one day his teacher walked home to Ankoku after school both his mother and father was home, as the teacher told his parents Ankoku hid in his room. And the second the door closed to the house his dad came storming up the stairs. Ankoku is threw out of the house by his dad leading him to aimlessly wander around the streets for over a week during this time he never once set his foot at either the school or at home. After the tenth day passed Ankoku was let back home and like a miracle his dad did not lay a hand om him. And at school he even ran in to a very cute girl, after getting to know her even more they even started dating and Ankoku's grade started slowly climbing. However as he spent more time with his girl then with his friends they felt abandoned telling him to choice between them or his girlfriend, believing her love for him was truth he deserted from his friends and choice his girlfriend. However just the next day she abandon him telling him she had a bet with one f her friend she could get him to love her in 14 days, she won.
As that day neared it's end he walked home as he neared the house he heard a uproar from his house he quicken his steps and then he open the door he found out why he had never been hit by his dad again, he was beating up his mother instead. Ankoku froze only for a second watching what happen a second that felt like hours. After that he turn and ran, he ran for his life, from his life. He never got far though, just around the corner he was knocked to the ground, his friend stood above him looking down at him and in the mist of them standing there was his old girlfriend. His old friend beat him half dead that day but some say he did actually died that day and the Ankoku now living is just a shell of a person. Ankoku would truly have died that day if not a kind stranger had taken him in and healed his wounds. However Ankoku never say the one who help him he left the house as soon as he could determined never to have friend or trust anyone, especially a girl and only trust in himself, he also vowed that he never would be weak again.
I offer thee this silent sacrifice;
sample post;;((This is from a bleach RP forum I play on with this character, and this is then I do not fell stressed about writing, so the other on this page could very likely be shorter then this)) The student dinner hall was well crowded but there were still some empty tables. Ankoku was sitting at one of the empty tables with his Zanpakuto next to him leaning at his left shoulder. Although there was laughter and talked around the dinner hall Ankoku let it not bother him. He only spent about half hour in here eating after that he left for training for the rest of the day and his class kept their distance from him both because he join alone and most people join with their friends or were able to find friends rather fast.
Ankoku never made any fast friends because people was some what afraid of him both his dark look and the black Zanpakuto he wielded looked sinister and frighten people even more. Now that the few first days had passed Ankoku did not even bother about the words he heard as people walked by, spitting remarks such as hollow follower and rogue Shinigami. Ankoku toke a bite from a rice ball, to day however it toke a lot longer eating because the wound on the abdomen that hurt every time he swallowed.
He looked from under the hood and saw his class slowly leave for the next lessons and a new class entered the dinner hall, the two classes almost collided with each other. The new classes were also laughing, talking and cheering happy to eat. Ankoku sighed and toke a drink of water sending new pain to the abdomen causing Ankoku to cough up some water and grunting out a curse word about the pain. He looked down and saw he barely was halfway through his lunch, and with an other sigh Ankoku toke a new bit from the rice ball and braced himself for the pain following swallowing the food. ((This is from a bleach RP forum I play on with this character, and this is then I do not fell stressed about writing, so the other on this page could very likely be shorter then this)) The student dinner hall was well crowded but there were still some
if this is not good enough please let me know what i can change to make it better
« Last Edit: Jan 19, 2009, 8:03pm by Ankoku Haitou »
Re: Ankoku Haitou « Reply #1 on Jan 18, 2009, 9:13pm »
Hey there Ankoku! A few things. First, thanks for informing us that you have dyslexia; we'll try to keep that in mind. That said, try to make your history vary a bit. The reason I say this is that we already have an abused gangbanger-type character, so as it stands your character is a carbon-copy of his. Try to make his history a bit more unique.
Also, please try to be a bit more careful with sentence structure. I got a bit confused after reading his history, so watch out for spelling errors and run-on sentences.
So in summary, proofread for spelling errors (to let your profile be easier to read) and try to spruce up Ankoku's history so he stands out more. Good luck!
Re: Ankoku Haitou « Reply #3 on Jan 21, 2009, 3:35am »
Accepted. Welcome, Ankoku! Good for intermediate writing, but keep in mind a few things:
Ankoku's friends originally thought he betrayed them for spending too much time with his girlfriend, so why did they team up with her just to get back at him? Most guys wouldn't feel that jealous of a girlfriend unless they were some sort of gang. Even if she was just using Ankoku in a cruel prank, it seems odd that his old friends would suddenly hang out with her, as well. You might want to look into that.
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